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Archive for September, 2009

What Wagon?

September 16, 2009 2 comments

I posted on Twitter last week:

I have fallen off the blog wagon….I wish I could/would write more.

So then today I was reading this blog post which made me come directly to my blog and start this post. Why haven’t I been blogging? Quite simply, because I don’t think I have anything important or revolutionary to say. While revolutionary posts are nice and I would love to affect people’s lives every (or any) time I write, I just need to come to the understanding that isn’t always (or ever) possible. I need to write for me. I need to write to get all of this stuff out of my head. I need to write to possible get feedback but if I don’t at least the ideas are there for me to read and re-read and improve upon.

So lately I’ve had this horrible feeling. I feel as though I haven’t been doing enough (that is pretty typical for me actually). I feel as though I should be doing more, reaching out more. But there are so many different directions I feel I could/should be going that I get frustrated and just don’t do anything. I try to reach out to the faculty & staff and ask for their input but do not receive much of a response. It has been brought to light by one person that they do not respond because they do not know what they should be learning. That I need to be telling them what they should be learning. Now this goes against most everything I stand for and is, quite frankly, something I’m not capable of doing. There are so many different positions on this campus, so many different levels of understanding, and so many different ways of doing things that I don’t feel I’m in any position to claim I know the best way to do everything and that I should dictate what they should learn. Is that wrong of me? They get mad when people control their lives but they also get mad when we don’t.

I don’t know. I just feel lost. I could sit here all day and make random demonstrations on how to do everything under the sun. That would make some people happy but not the people who don’t like online demonstrations. The people who want workshops frustrate me the most. I tried doing workshops and very few people ever show up to them. Everyone’s schedule is so different it is hard to know when a good time to schedule is. Let alone, what the workshop should cover. Maybe these are all just excuses to get me out of doing workshops…I don’t know. I just want to be pushed in a direction. Hand me a project. I do extremely well when I’m handed projects. But don’t hand me a campus and tell me to train them in… everything. I’m more than happy to support them in any questions they may have (and they seem to really appreciate that) but I feel I need to be doing more than just being the Campus Hero.

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Categories: General